I love a good love story. I have a daughter and I want her to have good solid, Christian morals and she should have good reading material to choose from. We can have good solid romance stories without all the nasty. Believe me, I've read many of them. But I also don't want her to inherit this nasty thing that staggered its way into my life at an early age and leaked and swelled in me like a cancer.
My main character of Broken Butterfly deals with issues of trust and insecurity. A writer writes what she knows. This story isn't about me and has nothing to do with my life or my past.
My life story grows like a wild branch of the thorny soil from that ugly word. Insecurity. I've dealt with many side effects and wondered many times, why I had to be born this way?
We can be insecure about all sorts of things, money, our safety, walking across our back yard.
The other day I came across a snake. Inside my fenced in back yard. He wasn't supposed to be there. Inside the fence, y'all. My husband wasn't home. I had locked myself out of the house.
Let me clarify. My keys were in the office. Where I was headed. I had to walk by him to get there. I was stuck. My dog just sat there looking up at me wagging her tail. I'm going to be honest, I was a little upset with her. Why would she let that critter come in my yard?
But she had no idea.
I called my husband and he told me to get a shovel and kill it. I laughed. Hard. Then he said, "Wait outside and watch it to see where it goes until I get home."
How long would it be before he got there?
TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES. Yeah right. That snake disappeared. After only a few minutes. It was hot, my left eye started watering. I can't believe I actually stood in the grass, at least 7 yds away, watching this reptile, completely terrified. He slithered across the grass, stopped, looked around, and started moving again. He repeated this motion several times before I finally lost him. I could finally go back inside the office, where I left, Sadie, my Labrador Retriever along with my biscuit on the desk.
Sadie didn't touch my biscuit. I couldn't believe it. She's a good girl.
I've been planning to do this for a while, but I wasn't looking forward to it. But now seemed like a good time to learn. I shot my first gun. As my husband was telling me everything to do and not to do, the more nervous I became.
"Don't get scared and face it toward us once you fire it."
"Don't hold your finger there."
"Don't hold your arms that way, when it kicks, it'll hurt."
Too many things to remember.
I watched him first. He said, "Are you ready?"
I pressed my fingers in my ears and steadied my gaze on the cup he was aiming at. The cup didn't move.
The next shot came, but this time, I was focused on the end of his gun, just as the fire came out. I wasn't expecting to see a ball of fire. The trembles began as soon as he placed it in my hands.
It took me a few minutes after convincing myself, I was going to do something wrong. But I didn't hurt anything. I missed the cup too. Then I tried again, and missed the cup again. After the third try, I gave it back to him. My daughter stood waiting patiently for her turn.
I'm thankful she doesn't have the same fear of guns that I do. I'm not giving up, I'm going to try again, and again until I get used to it. I may never feel comfortable, but I'll never feel comfortable around a snake either.
Either way, we can fight through this insecurity mess or we can give into it. I've been fighting for a long time now, and taken a step forward, and two back, but through it all, I've had some very good results. Otherwise, I wouldn't be telling you. :)
No one wants to admit to insecurity.
Snakes have a lot in common with insecurity. They slither their way into your life and bring unnecessary fear and worry. And it's definitely unwanted. Sometimes it stays hidden, until suddenly there it is, revealing it's ugly face.
I was worried he'd come back. He did. And two more different snakes joined him. Yep. Two more. Never has this happened in all the years we've been living here. I've only seen one snake in 16 years. Until this year. Not happy about this.
Who's ready for winter?
I love to give my characters this trait, in different ways of course, my characters can't all be the same, but seeing them pull through it is worth all the conflict they suffer.
Along the way, I've learned some valuable lessons, that I'm looking forward to sharing with you in the weeks to come.
UPDATE: After my procedure last week, my headache is still here, but there is still a lot of tenderness in the area, and my neck is still in some pain. I'm hoping these are contributing to the headache. Thank you so very much for your prayers. You don't know how much I appreciate each and every one of them.
NEXT WEEK... Be sure to come back! I'll have a very special guest. Katelin Maloney, Domestic Violence Advocate, & Author of Drowning, will be here to share her story. I'm really excited. She's also giving away a free paperback copy of her book, so make sure you come back for your chance to win.
Have a wonderful day!