Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Hallucinations

Let me tell you a little about my man.

He is strong.

He is good.

He is the love of my life.

What does that have to do with hallucinations? Nothing. Well, not exactly.
We just celebrated our anniversary and I wanted to say it.:)

Little did he know, 16 years ago, when he married me, what he was getting into. I know I'm not the only one who experiences this, but still ... I'm sure it must be scary.

I wake him up often with a deafening scream.

I see things. And I believe that it's real. With all my heart.

Until I wake up. Then I feel like an idiot.

I've done this for as long as I can remember. My poor mama. I'm sure I scared the daylights out of her too.

I see things falling, or huge spiders crawling on the ceiling. Once a man was coming through my window and I kicked at him ... I literally FELT my legs pushing against him.

It didn't take long before Rocky started telling me to lay down and go back to sleep.

Sometimes I get mad, because he doesn't believe me, until I realize I'm asleep. Sometimes he doesn't even remember it. It's a good thing it doesn't scare him. If he was the one screaming in the middle of the night ... I promise you, I would never go back to sleep.

My doctor prescribed a muscle relaxer to put my neck to sleep that would possibly help with the migraines. I only took it at bedtime. My night terrors, nightmares, dreams ... whatever you want to call them changed.

What I saw were demon type, black, ghostly like figures. The images would sometimes move really fast. The movie "Bridge to Terabithia" has an image of the boy's dad in the woods, and this is a very close likeness of what I was seeing. If you haven't seen it, do. It's a great movie. But have a box of tissues.



I almost thought I had a handle on it, at first. I would start seeing them before I fell asleep. I even once or twice reached out to touch the image. My hand went right through it, of course. I told myself, this isn't real.

It happened every night.

Then, one night, there were three of these demon like creatures on my bed and they were after me. I woke up on the floor, Rocky's arms wrapped around me.

According to him, I screamed longer and louder than I ever had. He grabbed me, but I didn't see him. I only saw them. I jerked away from him while slinging my hands all at the same time. He let me go and I threw myself off the bed. It scared him because I didn't recognize him when he tried to wake me up.

My hallucinations always came in doubles ... I ALWAYS saw the same thing twice on this medicine. It was hours before either of us were brave enough to close our eyes. But before we did, I promised him I would never take the medicine again. Because a very real thought occurred to me ... What if I got stuck in a hallucination? I never wanted to experience that again.

They stopped, at least those particular visions, once I discontinued the medicine. I don't know if I'll ever be free from my night tremors ... but nothing these days are quite as bad :)

Have you experienced anything similar? I'd love to hear your story.

Thanks for stopping by,

Cindy :)


photo credit: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/huffstutterrobertl/4693753524/">roberthuffstutter</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/">cc</a>